[No, perhaps that's not quite right. He would hope so. Either way, it's always difficult to tell with Kazuma. For now, he'll just give the man his space and hope that helps.]
Mmmh. [ Her mouth is full as she mumbles something in acknowledgement. She doesn't seem entirely satisfied with the answer, but she knows it's not Yujin's fault, so she just takes a few more bites in quite acceptance.
She's been bad at giving him space. She almost feels bad about it, but she looks over the plate of what remains anyway, as if she wants to bring some to him.
[In the meantime, Yujin will take a seat. It's been a long few days for him- for everyone. Best to take it slow for the rest of the evening, even if a great portion of him is still restless. He needs to set a good example for Susato. Hopefully, she'll follow his lead.]
[ Hearing Yujin sit down, Susato turns around, catching his eye for a second before she has to convince herself to do the same. The idea of taking a quiet evening to themselves is alluring, maybe even necessary, but she still finds herself shaking uncomfortably if she stays still for too long, or if she thinks too hard about that night. ]
I, I'm sorry.
[ Don't know where that came from, suddenly. It's probably been on her mind for a while, every time she thinks about Yujin's reaction when he joined them at their entrance. ]
[Yujin's body is aching a bit from exhaustion. Even as he sits back, he feels some goosebumps prickling his arms and dull pressure on his eyes. At the very least, he should sleep through the night this time, he's certain. But Susato's apology snaps him out of all that and returns him to more present matter. He sends a confused look her way.]
I... Well...The night I came back from the forest, when I brought home the first Glowing Dawns, I had already seen Kazuma-sama in that form. [ She swallows, taking a pause for breath. ] I thought I was helping him, by not saying anything. Even by Christmas, he had regained most of his human features, but when he wrote that Jack may have turned, I should have known.
[ And she should have said something, she thinks. Maybe. How would that conversation even have gone, she wonders? As it is, she struggles to imagine it. ]
[Yujin is a bit surprised to hear those sentiments, though perhaps not for the reasons Susato would assume. He shakes his head, not quite meeting her gaze.]
When Mr. Seventy Six contacted me to inform me of the flowers, he alluded to Kazuma's Noctaere side. That the flowers calmed him down. I did not know what sort of state Kazuma was in at the time, but I assumed it to be similar to when he attacked Lord van Zieks. The presence of a tail during our Christmas celebrations took me by surprise, but then... As you said, he had regained most human features. I didn't see a reason to worry either.
[ It's okay, she thinks. You can call him Jack. But then, perhaps it is not so good if they are too comfortable, using his name, so Susato just stays quiet on the matter. Her own gaze falls to the floor, seeing how Yujin struggle to make eye contact. ]
I wondered why it was taking so long. Why he still had that tail, the way his eyes would sometimes flash yellow... I couldn't wait until he was free from such a torturous transformation. Now I am wondering if it is part of him we must accept.
[ The noctaere? ...Or Hyde? It feels like a lifetime ago now since she'd had that information dropped on her. While she was no stranger to difficult conversations, and reaching into the dark to get the truth, she still has no idea how to even begin to broach the subject, and thus, has been forced to sit on it until she can figure it out. This, and she's already broached what is perhaps the worst, most difficult part. ]
[The only reason Yujin knows the man's name might be Jack is because someone else voiced it in front of him. 76 never once introduced himself as Jack to him, and so, Yujin will continue to refer to him as 76. That's just proper etiquette.
As for Kazuma, he doesn't realize that Susato is factoring Hyde into the situation. He assumes nightmare energy is the singular problem she's considering.]
... It is entirely possible that the condition may be chronic, but... It is also entirely possible that it's simply a very slow recovery. The absence of the moon in the sky and the resulting increase of nightmares is certainly not helping his condition.
[ Susato may not have directly told him, but in the mess that was everything, perhaps she just assumed he now knows. At the very least, she gets the feeling that Jack wouldn't mind if Yujin knows, though he's never given her that approval aloud.
. . . Either way, it is definitely proper etiquette, and there's no faulting him for that. ]
No, you're right. Perhaps the best we can do now is to continue using the flowers, to help keep him in his right mind.
[Beyond the lingering symptoms and the missing moon? As he's still holding onto the sandwich, his fingers end up digging into the bread a bit. He comes to regret that, but there's nothing to be done about it now.]
. . . Something a friend told me. She knew him from his time in the Realm of Stories, and I wondered about how they met.
[ Seeing his fingers dig into the bread, Susato thinks she should probably at least pretend to eat more. She'll go for some of the banana this time, making sure to lick the caramel off her fingers when she finishes off the piece. ]
Apparently at the time, she also knew him by another name. Hyde.
[Aaand there go his fingers, digging into the bread a second time. Oops. If Susato had to find out about Hyde from a friend, does that mean Kazuma hadn't told her?]
Ah. Yes, I suppose Hyde may factor into his condition to some degree as well. [Kazuma had told him that Hyde is 'still a part of him', but he doesn't quite believe that. What he does believe is that memories of Hyde's less scrupulous actions increase the intensity of Kazuma's nightmares.]
Is that... not something that Kazuma shared with you on his own accord?
[ Susato didn't know what to expect. For a moment, everything makes sense, yet once that moment passes, she finds her breath hitching in her throat. Between Yujin's utter lack of surprise and his question, she imagines this must be what it feels like, to be punched square in the gut.
All she can do is shake her head. She opens her mouth to say no, though the word doesn't quite make it out. ]
Before he returned from the forest, I managed to work some things out. I knew he was hiding something, and I... I got him to admit it. That those demons he was so worried about had gotten the better of him in those years he spent alone.
As for Hyde... I'd heard of the story, naturally, but I suppose I didn't ask. [ Didn't help that the one time he did come up, he spoke about him in the third person. Either way, she had put him through enough pain for one night. So she thought. ] It rather makes sense. To give the demons their own name.
[The moment he catches sight of Susato's reaction, Yujin becomes overwhelmed with guilt. This is yet another thing he's kept from her, and it was purely by accident. He's just destined to end up in this situation, isn't he?]
... I'm sorry. I'd rather assumed that he would have told you all about that. But then, I can't imagine it's easy to talk about, either.
[Having demons like that, accompanied with crimes... Perhaps Kazuma didn't want to disappoint Susato, or have her think less of him.]
[ She wants to tell him it's OK. For this, she doesn't blame him; she knows it was not his place to tell. The fact of it was though, that Kazuma held all of this inside him, and didn't feel like he could come to her.
She could blame it on her age, or her inexperience, but she still failed him as his assistant. ]
I know he doesn't want to. [ But he did. To Yujin. She should be glad for that. Should. ] For weeks I've thought about how I should broach the subject again, if at all, and... and now I can't. [ Not with him like this. ]
[It does leave Yujin wondering why Kazuma told him but not Susato. Perhaps he believed that he owed his adoptive father the truth, no matter how painful, out of sheer courtesy. Kazuma hadn't told him about the letter which had come from England back then, though, nor about his resolve to find the truth regarding Genshin. What made Hyde different?]
There will be more than enough time to discuss it with him in the future, once everything has calmed down a bit.
[He finally takes a bite from the sandwich, careful not to have it fall apart.]
. . . [ Distantly, she thinks she should probably eat more. Help Yujin finish the platter he'd prepared, perhaps. At least it would keep her occupied. ] Yes. You're right.
[ For a quiet moment, she doesn't say anything. She's just going through the motions, picking up something else to put in her mouth once she's swallowed the previous one. She still looks far away by the time she speaks again. ]
Before Lord van Zieks' trial, I made Gina a promise. That no matter what, if it came to light that Lord van Zieks had actually murdered Inspector Gregson--even he would see justice. Now I can't even say that I could make the same promise, with Kazuma-sama on the dock.
[The sentiment catches him off guard; not for the feelings contained within, but rather, the hypothetical nature of the scenario. He lowers his hands towards his lap, attempting to meet Susato's gaze even if she's looking elsewhere.]
Such situations can't possibly be compared. The extenuating circumstances involved with Kazuma's actions are... Well, they are from another world in a literal sense. I don't believe that as it stands, anyone would expect Kazuma to be faced with justice.
[ She sees him looking and obliges him, meeting his eyes, even if it feels difficult. ]
I know. Even with talks of this council, I don't know that there would ever be a case made against him. But I was taking notes while I was trying to figure him out, and... once I confirmed it, my first instinct was to throw them into the fire.
[ She must have been trying to hide it. She told him as much... didn't she? She remembers wanting to ease his worries. ]
I just wonder if it says something about me, is all. [ Does that make her a bad person now...? ]
[Yujin quite expects that a case would only ever be made against Kazuma if he were to commit some sort of crime now. And even then, noctaere corruption would need to be taken into account. It's the sort of ailment that could befall any one of them, and so, they could never hold it against him.
But that's not Susato's concern, is it?
He's silent for a few seconds, then clicks his tongue softly. If Susato's a bad person, then so is he.]
In the midst of that fateful autopsy, when Genshin's ring was found... Well, all sorts of thoughts shot through my mind. I knew at once that it was his, and I knew what it meant. I knew that it was my duty to pursue that truth. Even so, the impulse to make that ring disappear... It existed in the back of my mind. Such a thing is perfectly natural.
[ But he never acted on those impulses, did he? Perhaps he would have, Had Dr Wilson not intervened and forced the discovery forward. Susato absorbs his words, pondering her own graying morality with Kazuma's words from back then echoing in her head. Are you reconsidering because of a possibility you've come to realize? For my sake? ]
Well, it's awful.
[ There may have been a whine to her voice. Why did no one tell her that growing up sucks so bad???
That said, she doesn't think she should bother her father much longer. Clearly she's already brought up enough memories that he would've rather forgotten. ]
...I'm sorry. [ Again? ] I, I did not mean to make you relive that autopsy.
[Yujin nods his head just a bit at the first sentiment. It is awful. Those dang Asogi men, stretching the firmness of the Mikotoba virtues without even meaning to...!
The second sentiment, on the other hand, takes him aback.]
Ah? No, no, you needn't apologize for something like that. The memory is a bit difficult to bear, but one mustn't look away from the truth. Isn't that so?
It is... but there is a time and place, and I do believe I've troubled you enough for one evening. And we've certainly been dealing with enough.
[ She sighs, but manages a smile when she looks up from what's left of the snacks. ]
I should shower. Then... I don't know. Perhaps I'll see how he's getting on. [ There's another weary glance towards the room they gave to Kazuma. Maybe she'll at least make sure he has enough Dawn petals around, given that Yujin has likely been monitoring his healing. ]
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[No, perhaps that's not quite right. He would hope so. Either way, it's always difficult to tell with Kazuma. For now, he'll just give the man his space and hope that helps.]
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She's been bad at giving him space. She almost feels bad about it, but she looks over the plate of what remains anyway, as if she wants to bring some to him.
Sadly, snakes don't eat this stuff. ]
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I, I'm sorry.
[ Don't know where that came from, suddenly. It's probably been on her mind for a while, every time she thinks about Yujin's reaction when he joined them at their entrance. ]
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Hmm? Whatever for?
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[ And she should have said something, she thinks. Maybe. How would that conversation even have gone, she wonders? As it is, she struggles to imagine it. ]
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When Mr. Seventy Six contacted me to inform me of the flowers, he alluded to Kazuma's Noctaere side. That the flowers calmed him down. I did not know what sort of state Kazuma was in at the time, but I assumed it to be similar to when he attacked Lord van Zieks. The presence of a tail during our Christmas celebrations took me by surprise, but then... As you said, he had regained most human features. I didn't see a reason to worry either.
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I wondered why it was taking so long. Why he still had that tail, the way his eyes would sometimes flash yellow... I couldn't wait until he was free from such a torturous transformation. Now I am wondering if it is part of him we must accept.
[ The noctaere? ...Or Hyde? It feels like a lifetime ago now since she'd had that information dropped on her. While she was no stranger to difficult conversations, and reaching into the dark to get the truth, she still has no idea how to even begin to broach the subject, and thus, has been forced to sit on it until she can figure it out. This, and she's already broached what is perhaps the worst, most difficult part. ]
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As for Kazuma, he doesn't realize that Susato is factoring Hyde into the situation. He assumes nightmare energy is the singular problem she's considering.]
... It is entirely possible that the condition may be chronic, but... It is also entirely possible that it's simply a very slow recovery. The absence of the moon in the sky and the resulting increase of nightmares is certainly not helping his condition.
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. . . Either way, it is definitely proper etiquette, and there's no faulting him for that. ]
No, you're right. Perhaps the best we can do now is to continue using the flowers, to help keep him in his right mind.
Still, there is something else that troubles me.
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[Beyond the lingering symptoms and the missing moon? As he's still holding onto the sandwich, his fingers end up digging into the bread a bit. He comes to regret that, but there's nothing to be done about it now.]
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[ Seeing his fingers dig into the bread, Susato thinks she should probably at least pretend to eat more. She'll go for some of the banana this time, making sure to lick the caramel off her fingers when she finishes off the piece. ]
Apparently at the time, she also knew him by another name. Hyde.
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Ah. Yes, I suppose Hyde may factor into his condition to some degree as well. [Kazuma had told him that Hyde is 'still a part of him', but he doesn't quite believe that. What he does believe is that memories of Hyde's less scrupulous actions increase the intensity of Kazuma's nightmares.]
Is that... not something that Kazuma shared with you on his own accord?
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All she can do is shake her head. She opens her mouth to say no, though the word doesn't quite make it out. ]
Before he returned from the forest, I managed to work some things out. I knew he was hiding something, and I... I got him to admit it. That those demons he was so worried about had gotten the better of him in those years he spent alone.
As for Hyde... I'd heard of the story, naturally, but I suppose I didn't ask. [ Didn't help that the one time he did come up, he spoke about him in the third person. Either way, she had put him through enough pain for one night. So she thought. ] It rather makes sense. To give the demons their own name.
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... I'm sorry. I'd rather assumed that he would have told you all about that. But then, I can't imagine it's easy to talk about, either.
[Having demons like that, accompanied with crimes... Perhaps Kazuma didn't want to disappoint Susato, or have her think less of him.]
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She could blame it on her age, or her inexperience, but she still failed him as his assistant. ]
I know he doesn't want to. [ But he did. To Yujin. She should be glad for that. Should. ] For weeks I've thought about how I should broach the subject again, if at all, and... and now I can't. [ Not with him like this. ]
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There will be more than enough time to discuss it with him in the future, once everything has calmed down a bit.
[He finally takes a bite from the sandwich, careful not to have it fall apart.]
1/2
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Before Lord van Zieks' trial, I made Gina a promise. That no matter what, if it came to light that Lord van Zieks had actually murdered Inspector Gregson--even he would see justice. Now I can't even say that I could make the same promise, with Kazuma-sama on the dock.
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[The sentiment catches him off guard; not for the feelings contained within, but rather, the hypothetical nature of the scenario. He lowers his hands towards his lap, attempting to meet Susato's gaze even if she's looking elsewhere.]
Such situations can't possibly be compared. The extenuating circumstances involved with Kazuma's actions are... Well, they are from another world in a literal sense. I don't believe that as it stands, anyone would expect Kazuma to be faced with justice.
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I know. Even with talks of this council, I don't know that there would ever be a case made against him. But I was taking notes while I was trying to figure him out, and... once I confirmed it, my first instinct was to throw them into the fire.
[ She must have been trying to hide it. She told him as much... didn't she? She remembers wanting to ease his worries. ]
I just wonder if it says something about me, is all. [ Does that make her a bad person now...? ]
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But that's not Susato's concern, is it?
He's silent for a few seconds, then clicks his tongue softly. If Susato's a bad person, then so is he.]
In the midst of that fateful autopsy, when Genshin's ring was found... Well, all sorts of thoughts shot through my mind. I knew at once that it was his, and I knew what it meant. I knew that it was my duty to pursue that truth. Even so, the impulse to make that ring disappear... It existed in the back of my mind. Such a thing is perfectly natural.
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Well, it's awful.
[ There may have been a whine to her voice. Why did no one tell her that growing up sucks so bad???
That said, she doesn't think she should bother her father much longer. Clearly she's already brought up enough memories that he would've rather forgotten. ]
...I'm sorry. [ Again? ] I, I did not mean to make you relive that autopsy.
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The second sentiment, on the other hand, takes him aback.]
Ah? No, no, you needn't apologize for something like that. The memory is a bit difficult to bear, but one mustn't look away from the truth. Isn't that so?
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It is... but there is a time and place, and I do believe I've troubled you enough for one evening. And we've certainly been dealing with enough.
[ She sighs, but manages a smile when she looks up from what's left of the snacks. ]
I should shower. Then... I don't know. Perhaps I'll see how he's getting on. [ There's another weary glance towards the room they gave to Kazuma. Maybe she'll at least make sure he has enough Dawn petals around, given that Yujin has likely been monitoring his healing. ]
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